i know i know i posted on already today but i am just so bored and confused bout my love life and just life....

Love life - the girl i have fallen in love with is dating one of my best friends...i have a girl who i could be fuck buddies with that is a best friend of an ex GF i had...i have another girl who i am not sure i should even try to be with but i am sure i could if i wanted to (not certain)....and another who i know could make me happy and i would love to be with but i dont think i could ever work out....i dont know these are all trivial things i know

Life - uncle in hospital...drunk dad who takes everything out on me..lazy mother...want to leave and the only way out in the near future is to move out with the friend that is with the girl i have fallen in love with....and of course school and work arent helping either.....the problem is is that i want a love life and i want to feel like i am someone special for a person the kind of feeling u get when u are with that person that gives u more than u think u deserve.  Any suggestions?

Hey guys just thought i should FINALLY put something on this damn acursed thing....well this is place to spill out your emotions?  where someone can let loose what they feel well i will tell u one thing....I WANT TO DIE.  plain and simple.....i guess it all started when i broke up with the one person i loved more than life itself.  i only did so b/c i was scared of the feelings i had for her...i wasnt used to this kind of love ya know?  last time i had a fraction of what i felt for her i lost it and tried to kill myself twice...obviously it didnt work.  then in about a week my best friend who i considered a brother starts going out with her....he was the only one who i told about the way i felt bout her.  then my uncle who is HIV+ gets pnuemonia and almost dies...respirator and all.  ever since then i have been confused and scared and lied to and betrayed by ppl close to me.  i have some strong feelings for this one girl but i feel that she doesnt feel the same...she just got of a relationship and all that saying she wants to be single but ya never know.  my dad being his drunkself just continues bitching at me for the smallest things and never stopping...my mom being her lazy self always asleep or watching TV so i am left to all the house work and trying to pass my senior year while working about 30-40 hrs every two weeks at cheddar's.  i feel like no one actually loves me or cares...they say that they do but blv me when i saw that actions speak louder then words......and trust me there is SO much more

Cream Sodas consumed today: 4 (i always have cream soda)